Self Worth

Yesterday, I had lunch with the first friend I made after moving here. We had a great conversation as usual, but this time something struck a chord. We caught up on what we’ve been doing over the last month and talked about the happenings back home with friends and family. She filled me in on the fact that she found a job (her spouse is not in the U.N.) and was excited to continue her life here. We then continued to talk about our aspirations and dreams of our time in Vienna. The world is our oyster with a lot more free time to continue studies, learning a new language, volunteer, and many more opportunities.

I was just one month into my new job when we got notice of Hub’s post.  My job was quickly moving in the right direction.  I loved my work, and the people I worked with. I had finally found my “home”. It was such a tough decision to leave it all behind. I still wonder sometimes “what would have been” if the current opportunity never came about.

In the past few years, our circle of friends and family have been becoming parents and the pressure to produce our own has been in full force. So naturally, when we told our families that we were moving away and that I would become a “housewife”, most were hopeful we’d think about having kids. Because, how can one really be a housewife without kids?

So here I am jobless and childless and claiming to be a housewife, it seems as though my self-worth has plummeted to the ground just by being here supporting my spouse’s dream. According to the norm, we are suppose get married, have kids, have good careers, etc…

Due to personal and health reasons, that I don’t want to get into, Hub’s and I have decided not to have kids.  We have sat down and had many long and thoughtful conversations about it over the years.  Some people out there have labeled our decision as abnormal or selfish.  Some have suggested, “you’ll change your mind”. I’ll be honest, it hurts a lot when people react to our decision negatively or cast it off, as if it were unsaid.  Choosing not to have kids isn’t a depressing thought for us.

 I believe that I have a good and generous heart and try to be the best human I can be. And job titles and all that norm BS, shouldn’t be defining factors of  my self-worth.

“We cannot think of being acceptable to others until we have first proven acceptable to ourselves.”
  -Malcolm X

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